Terry has always been opposed to assisted suicide. He is passionate about protecting the weakest members of our society both before birth and at the end of life. But when his mum Julie, 66, became seriously ill in January 2024, Terry became even more fearful about a change in the law to allow assisted suicide.

‘I am experiencing at first-hand what it’s like when a person is really sick in a health service which is overwhelmed and bursting at the seams’, says Terry. ‘Individual doctors and nurses have been great, but the system is on its knees. Just recently my mam was admitted to hospital and told she would need to be in for a week. Two days later she was discharged at such great speed she arrived home with a cannula tube still in her arm. Offering assisted suicide could become the easier option.’

A hands-on grandma

Julie, who lives near Terry in Middlesbrough, was very active until she became ill. Up until two years ago, she was working as a food technology teacher in a local secondary school. Since then, she has been a hands-on grandma to her nine grandchildren who live locally.

‘Mam was round at our house every evening helping with the children’, says Terry. ‘She was always helping someone. Before she became ill, she was a volunteer at the local food bank and was always helping someone.’

Julie already had type 2 diabetes and a couple of years ago she was diagnosed with non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. Since February 2024, she has suffered repeated infections which have been treated. But despite several hospital admissions, the cause of her illness has not been found. There is also the constant worry of liver failure.

Doctors seem frustrated

Terry’s experience with his mother has highlighted for him that care is reactive rather than proactive. Symptoms are dealt with, but there’s little drive to find out the cause of Julie’s illness.

‘There’s a reluctance to investigate what is causing my mam to be so unwell. It seems as though it’s less expensive and less hassle not to repeat scans and tests’, says Terry. ‘Some of the doctors seem as frustrated as we are about this. They are caught up in a system that seems very poorly managed.’

Since she became ill, Julie has lost a lot of weight and her mobility is compromised. ‘I feel like I am fighting for my mam every step of the way’, says Terry. ‘What would happen to someone in her condition who had no family to advocate for her? These sort of conditions would leave some people very vulnerable to assisted suicide. It’s terrifying really.’

A joy and a privilege

Faith and family have always been at the heart of Julie’s life. ‘We are a close family’, says Terry. ‘We go in and out of each other’s houses. No one rings the doorbell.’

Terry can see that his mother’s quality of life has diminished greatly. ‘This is a very challenging time for my mam and for our family; there’s no doubt about it’, says Terry. ‘But caring for mam is not a burden for us. And my mam doesn’t think of herself as a burden. She stays optimistic. She’s always been a glass-half-full person.’

For Terry, caring for his mother is a duty. But it’s also much more than that. ‘Actually, caring for a very sick person is a joy and a privilege’, he says.

Thinking about what it would be like if assisted suicide was a legal option, Terry worries that this could lead to family division. ‘There could easily be situations where some family members think that assisted suicide would be the way to go when a relative is very sick.’

Terry knows that his mother would never consent to assisted dying. But his ongoing battle with the health care system on her behalf, highlights how vulnerable sick people are. These conditions would help make assisted suicide acceptable.

Fundamentally unnatural

Terry can see how the pressure to choose assisted suicide could lead people to do something fundamentally unnatural.

‘The emotional fall-out for families where a very sick relative is helped to kill themselves would be profound’, says Terry. ‘How could you let the person who brought you into this world kill herself? The impact of that would stay with you until your dying day.’

Terry is leaving no stone unturned to help his mother. Whatever the difficulties, his heart is at peace. If assisted suicide is legalised, that peace would be shattered.