A father from South London has described his guilt and grief after his girlfriend aborted their child against his own wishes. He wanted to be a father. Here is Jean-Paul’s story.

Jean-Paul Noel-Cephise, 51, a lecturer from Croydon in South London, was jubilant when he found out that his girlfriend was pregnant. But that joy was short lived. She told him that she wanted to abort their child.

Forced to choose between his child and his partner, Jean-Paul has not been the same since the day he took his girlfriend to an abortion facility and paid for the destruction of his child.

Jean-Paul has now spoken out on behalf of other men who experienced a similar situation, not wanting to abort their child.

“Even though it happened a long time ago, I’ve lived with the guilt and grief ever since.”

“Her decision was final”

‘I’d had a happy childhood and couldn’t wait to recreate it with my own child”, said Jean-Paul.

But his girlfriend differed.

“She told me she was not going to have our child. I honestly thought she was saying it to make me feel better about the situation… At first, I thought she was worried I didn’t want a baby”, he recalled. “So I went into overdrive, reassuring her how much I loved her…

“I tried my absolute best to reassure her we could do this. I really wanted our child – a son or a daughter, it didn’t matter to me.”

Despite reassurances, after some weeks, his girlfriend still wanted an abortion. Jean-Paul was forced to accept “that her decision was final”.

It was devastating, as Jean-Paul remembers, many years later: “After having daily conversations about how she was feeling and if there was a way through this, she told me she was terminating the pregnancy regardless. There was no negotiating and her word was final.

“I had to choose between fighting for my child or our relationship – I chose her because I didn’t want to lose her. As much as it pained me, I agreed to stop talking about what great parents we would be and accepted her decision.”

His child was aborted at 11 weeks.

“I grieved silently”

At the abortion facility, Jean-Paul felt less than welcome. Despite “fighting to keep my child”, he said, there was “the blanket assumption” that he was “forcing a woman into this”.

“It’s so hard to explain the anger and frustration I felt. There is no regard for us men – our wishes or feelings are unimportant.”

After the abortion, his girlfriend fell into depression and received support. But there was no help offered to Jean-Paul.

“I grieved silently and, while I knew I had to forgive her, for a long while my body and brain wouldn’t let me…

“The guilt I felt coursing through me was horrific for months. I know now I was grieving. Afterwards, we tried to carry on our relationship, but we never recovered as a couple and split up three months later.”

“What ifs”

Jean-Paul suffered from sleeping difficulties for months. He was also angry.

“For a while I was angry that women can make the final decision when two people were involved in creating that life… I have really tussled with the fact that ultimately she gets to make the choice without my input…

“A lot of the time, men think it’s a lucky escape and just get on with their life. Anyone I mentioned it to assumed it was a great relief all round and the conversation was closed.”

In the years between the abortion and the present day, Jean-Paul has had more children and has been allowed to be the father he always wanted to be. But the sadness about the death of his first child persists.

“I still feel sad about it — the ‘what ifs’ are still seared on my heart. Five years ago, I wrote a book about relationships and one of the dedications was to ‘Joseph’. Everyone asked who he was, and I’ve kept it a secret — until now.

“To me, he — and don’t ask me why I believe it was a he — had the potential to exist and that’s good enough… but if you’re equals in the relationship then you should be involved.”

Last year, SPUC reported on the heartbreaking story about a father in Argentina who tried to prevent the abortion of his child. “All I’m asking is that you respect my son’s life”, he told a court. But the court ruled against him, and his child was aborted.

In 2020, an abortion facility in Colombia ignored a court order and aborted the son of Juan Pablo Medina, who had applied for guardianship of his child, as reported by SPUC.

“Devastating and forever”

SPUC’s Michael Robinson, Executive Director (Public Affairs and Legal Services), said: “Jean-Paul’s frank account of his abortion experience deserves to be heard.

“The mainstream, pro-abortion narrative is defined by its total lack of humanity and disregard for human life, refusing to recognise the right to life of the unborn, as well as exhibiting an appalling absence of concern for the women who undergo abortion.

“But the stories and wishes of the fathers involved, especially those who want to be fathers, are almost entirely ignored by society.

“Let’s be clear. Jean-Paul wanted to be a father. Abortion robbed him of a child. Far from being given a choice, he was given no choice at all.

“Jean-Paul’s harrowing story is a reminder that abortion is no abstract matter. The killing of an unborn baby, apart from destroying the future of an innocent child, has other profound consequences, for fathers as well as mothers.

“Ultimately, the lack of concern for Jean-Paul is of a piece with the utter inhumanity of abortion itself, destroying young bodies and breaking adult hearts.

“The effect is devastating and forever. We must not forget Jean-Paul; neither should we forget his son, Joseph.”